Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My pussy is not your playground.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
