My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
