idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
