It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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