The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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