She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
