didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
