im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Text me some of your sweat
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
