I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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