If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
