is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
