i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
