As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
