i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
