i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
