I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
