I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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