i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
