Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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