i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
