They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
