Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
