OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
