im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
