if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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