he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
