foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
