covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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