Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
