love makes seman taste better
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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