I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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