So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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