It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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