It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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