Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
