I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
