I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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