when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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