OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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