Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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