If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
