you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
