Duck Duck Cougar?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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