i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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