I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
