You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
