My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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