we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
