So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
