And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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