Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
