Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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