Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
