I can tuck mytits in my pants
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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